The Hmong marriage ceremony is a process that has been in the Hmong culture for a long time. The ceremony usually lasts for two days unless both of the families live far from each other which would make the ceremony longer. In the Hmong culture, two people of the same clan cannot marry each other; you have to marry from another clan because that is considered taboo.

 

Traditionally, when a man wants to marry a woman, he could kidnap or zij her, but before that, he has to give her a gift. The gift symbolizes a promise that the man gives to the woman that he is going to marry her.  If the man does not give the woman a gift or if she does not accept, she can refuse to go if a family member comes to save her (Vang). The kidnapping can take place during daylight or at night. Then the man will send a representative to go tell the woman’s parents of the situation and about her safety. The representative would ask the parents about the woman’s background and also tell the parents about the man’s background, which is called fi xov.

When the woman gets to the man’s house, the head of the household will have to perform a ritual to welcome her into the new family. It is called lwm qaib, where the head of the household finds a chicken and makes a circle around the woman and man's head while saying a ritual. The woman then has to stay at the husband’s house for three days without going out to visit other people at their house. Before the marriage ceremony, both families’ elders come to the woman’s house to negotiate the bride price (Xiong).

On the day of the marriage, the man’s family will prepare for the first wedding feast, called hu plig nyab tshiab thaum puv peb tag kis, at their house. Then the couple would go to the bride’s house to do the second wedding feast, Noj tshoob, where they would get married and sleep for the night. The bride will receive presents and three Hmong clothes from her parents After, the couple would go to the groom's house to finish the wedding by doing a celebration feast, tiam mej koob (Vang). When a woman marries, she and her children will have to go by their husband's last name. The marriage ceremony is to unite the two families together through the marriage of the couple.

Divorce was rare in the traditional Hmong ceremony, but not as rare now. When the couples decide to get a divorce, they will have to consult with the clan leaders. The Clan will observe the situation and make a fair choice if the couples should divorce and who will take custody of the children. If the wife wants to divorce the husband without reasons, the dowry has to be returned to the husband’s family because the wife is the one who is deciding to leave the family. If the husband wants to divorce the wife, he has to pay to send the wife and children back to her family (Vang).

 

 

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